HILARIOUS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Bn4oDVRSfk

Well it hit me today. I have a friend who is moving back to East Tennessee shortly and I haven't faced it until today. I've never been very good at good-byes. I "hates" them. They always feel so permanent.

I've felt pretty selfish lately too. I've been more worried about what I want than what someone else needs. Like my friend, I want him to stay, but I know that home is where he needs to be. Another friend has a very sick mother and I've been busy wallowing in my own problems to adequately be there for him. Yet another friend is a brand new father and despite his new status and the fact he's struggling to make ends meet, he's offered his ear and his time if I wanted to talk.

Now this isn't to say I haven't had what I consider "real" problems of my own. During Christmas Jerry and I were called in the middle of opening presents with his family when our god-daughter called and told us our cat was dead. Same god-daughter also revealed recently that a family friend on her mothers side has been molesting her (Yes the police are taking care of it and I don't need help hiding any hypothetical bodies). This is all on top of me recovering from a drug relapse.

My mother used to say "God never puts more on your shoulders than you can handle." I'm no longer a christian, but I think God is a very poor judge of character in my case at times. Out of me and Jerry I am the more laid back, no worries one of the two of us... usually. Lately I've found that it's me thats the worry wart. I think maybe mom was right in some sense. I guess it's me thats putting all the pressure on myself. I blame myself for not only my relapse, but for a friend of mine as well. I blame myself for being out drugging instead of being at home for my god-daughter. Now, in my "sane brain" I know I am not to blame. I had no control and have no control over other peoples actions. None the less, being a human being I try to remind myself of that fact day by day.

I get extremely attached to the people I'm close to. My small circle of friends. This is both a good and a bad thing sometimes. I'm fiercely protective of them, sometimes to the point of trying to do things for them. I'd do anything in my power for them if they ask, to the point of neglecting my own life and priorities. If I'm dealing with someone else's problems, I don't have to deal with mine.

Currently I'm trying to live by the Serenity Prayer, although that has never really been my way. Which may explain a lot (Ya think?). I'm trying to realize that things happen for a reason and maybe sometimes, just sometimes good-byes aren't forever.

Family. There you go. It's as simple as that. Now how you choose to define that term is up to you.

To me it's fairly all encompassing. It includes blood family. My sister and brother who actually don't speak to eachother. I like to think they at least think of each other without malice this time of year. My Aunt Joyce and Jean, that even though we rarely speak, would drop what they were doing to help anyone out, including me.

It's my friends I've been blessed with. I think this year I tested that bond with all the crap I've thrown their way. Jim, who has always, always, always been the voice in my ear... for better or worse. Joe, who always seems to let so little affect him, but I know it does. Jeff D. who despite going through so much himself this year has always been willing to lend a shoulder or ear. Crystal, endlessly sympathetic and empathetic. Mark, we're both F.I.N.E. but it doesn't make us bad people. To all my other friends, don't get upset if I didn't mention you. I think of all of you often, especially when I feel weak. Friends are the people you should aspire to be.

It's the man I've spent the last thirteen years with. I love Jerry with all my heart and the powers that be have certainly blessed me with him. I know very few people who would put up with all that he has this year. I've been moody, neglectful, apathetic to his needs and basically an all around jerk. And all that was just a three month stint. I unfairly pushed our relationship to the breaking point. Yet he's still here. If that isn't unconditional love, the I guess I don't know what that term means. I believe in karma. Jer must have been a murderous despot in a former life to get stuck with me.

Finally we, as a people, as a species are family. Yeah, yeah it's a little corny. It's what I believe though. This time of year it is both our differences and similarities that remind me what it is to be a human being. We all have our weaknesses and strengths. I just need someone to help me find my strength when I lose my way. Thats what all the above mentioned are for. Ok I'm climbing off my weepy, fluffy, touchy-feely soap box now.

Happy holidays guys. May whatever gods, goddesses, deity or powers you believe in grant you the best of the season.

These brought back some memories... and made me laugh so hard I cried.

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm

One more hour burns
So scared of his return
That I can't sleep tonight
In this hospital light

What you call a tragedy
Is just another day to me
For my heart beats with fear
As his footsteps draw near

The life I meant to lead
Won't slip away from me..

There's nothing left of this
Your whispered words and empty threats
Rip away the seams of what I thought this would be
The last thread has come undone
To reveal what I've become
Another victim of a poison love

I've been afraid for years
But that won't keep me here..

What remains a mystery
You can not have the best of me
So I'm taking back
All you took from me

'Cuz this time is the last time
I know that my eyes have seen too much
This nightmare is not fair
And I've had enough

You break me
To just say you're sorry
You call this love?
But this time your lies
Are not enough
This time..

I very recently had a talk with a friend. I've been very stupid lately. Now thats nothing new for me, but recently I've gone beyond the call of normal idiocy, even for me. I confided in them some of the things going on in my life. In retrospect something they said was right. I think I was reaching out for help. I knew I was in over my head. They gave me the same talk I would have given them had our positions been reversed. There was arguing and conflicting points of view. It was strange, because in many ways I thought this person and I had drifted apart. We both have seperate lives and families.

It wasn't until I hung up that I realized just close we still were. I tend to keep my circle of friends relatively small. I'm just not that outgoing or charming, ask anyone. There are reasons everyone thinks I'd be in Slytherin. *laughs* This person though, has stuck with me through a lot. I want to thank them for believeing in me enough to give me a chance to make some good choices for myself.

While it was a blast seeing everyone again this year, Con was a disappointment this year. Over the last few days I've tried to put this years D*C into perspective. On the plus side there was the aformentioned getting to see everyone again this year... well sorta. I got to meet Laurell K. Hamilton and actually talk with her some. Her panels were awsome!

On the down side, once again, I got to see everyone again this year... well sorta. I think I spent more time awake with Laurell K. Hamilton than anyone I actually roomed with. Also, her panels were sadly the only ones that interested me this year.

After last year's debacle with half the con being shut out of the Hilton, D*Con seems to be stepping down every year for me. I finally asked myself "Would I have had as much fun if I had just stayed home?" My honest answer was yes. This year Dracon*Con was a waste of money, time and vacation.

I have never met someone who could so eloquently and completely put into media what goes on in my head... all the time.

Your Enneagram type is FOUR (aka "The Romantic")

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

*Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
*Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
*Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
*Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
*Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a FOUR

*My ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
*My ability to establish warm connections with people
*Admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
*My creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
*Being unique and being seen as unique by others
*Having aesthetic sensibilities
*Being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a FOUR

*Experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
*Feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
*Feeling guilty when I disappoint people
*Feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
*Expecting too much from myself and life
*Fearing being abandoned
*Obsessing over resentments
*Longing for what I don't have

FOURs as Children Often

*Have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
*Are very sensitive
*Feel that they don't fit in
*Believe they are missing something that other people have
*Attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
*Become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
*Feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

FOURs as Parents

*Help their children become who they really are
*Support their children's creativity and originality
*Are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
*Are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
*Are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Very interesting and informative for adolescents without being condecending.

http://midwestteensexshow.com/

The voice acting seems respectable, but the animation is iffy. I've never been a fan of the mix of traditional animation and cgi. Probably because it is rarely done well. I'm just wondering how I didn't see this in a Wizard or something until now.

http://www.dragonlance-movie.com/

Going out of town today. Just need to get away from Nashville and clear my head. So Jer and I are heading to visit a friend in East Tennessee. I'll be back sometime Sunday afternoon. Peace and love ya'll.

Sometimes when I just need to slow down and relax, I sit and listen to music... This is one of my new favorites.

You seemed to like 3am so these are the other two songs performed by Rebekah Jordan in "Latter Days". Once again whoever put these on YouTube mislabled them as Nita Whitaker. Nita performs them on the soundtrack due to 'contract conflicts' with Rebekah's label.